"...and you are wondering if that is the grounds to rescue youself. ...dont fight it, dont beat youself up, you know you are good at that. Thats a character flaw. it will get easier."
You make your past your past Yeah you make your past your past
It's a brand new day The sun is shining It's a brand new day For the first time in such a long long time I know, I'll be ok
This cycle never ends You gotta fall in order to mend
……
"It was easier to be angery than to admit they weren't happy. That they were stuck in a rut somewhere in their lives, unable to move forward. What's your rut?"
no more harsh feelings brought out by the show, not pondering so hard, still connected.
being happy and fulfillment, i want them both, for each day....
和中学同学坐一桌，其中有已经结婚的一个，缺乏安全感完全都写在言行里了，叹。但是想想成长环境不是那么丰裕（并且见过好的），的确会这样。突然就想明白了我为啥这么twisted（扭曲）。you was（are）in an environment that would form you a certain way, but you manage to look at it from above and say you dont want that. 然后你尽量把它拧过来，这不就是twisted了。
再说回缺乏安全感。借用the hours的结语"You cannot find peace by avoiding life."做类比，（也有几年的片子了就这句话一直记得），"You cannot cure insecurity by 'the inevitable'." the problem's in your mind, not your status.
there is the pleasure of enlightenment，then where's the fun part of life?--DONT EVER reflect on this issue which is simply asking for a rebound of depression .
topic:
1.pure talent. pure soul, 由coana；反面 ordinary people, no talent, no soul, but you can try to have a heart
2.三世养成一个现代人，我努力一下还有可能成为第一代 （现代精神是什么？目前我的理解就是make things func-tion）
3.words can hurt, but you just don't care, do you? 还是积攒了很长很长时间的话题，由很多人有感而来。（一般）人从来就不清楚什么对他们重要，也从来就不明白自己应该做的事所服从的基层因果关系，所以就会出现这么多无谓的事，and they never watch themselves。还有我鄙视逞一时口舌之快的人。
I go over my pains regularly, if it's not in real life, it's in my dreams.
as for last night, dream it is. the usual drama, the routine family quarrel. then i thought about rafa (in my dream). why can't everyone live their lives like him, respect people, be productive, enjoy his life (youth,especially), always want to improve, try his best even when hanging out with family or friends.
then i woke up in tears.
today, the drama goes on in real life.
i've ALWAYS wondered whether it's my folks failed me, or i failed them.(OR i failed myself, they failed themselves and there's some kind of interaction). i know i've never lived up to their expectations (or mine ). BUT there is some really really negative thoughts embedded in the heads of their generation. they either got status anxiety or hatred of the wealthy and decided to be content with who they are. that's the problem i have with my folks now. things are working out, which is good. but still i can hardly admire those two.
YES，I AM DOOMED.
Lucky i made the best of my fan's crush on rafa (sounds juvenile, i KNOW). i share his va-l-ues. i believe in him. actually, it's the best thing i've ever believed in, considering the last two were cynicalness from HOUSE M.D. and workholic with no life (at all) from CSI:LV.
Now there's the impeccable belief, just don't let the negative thoughts or whoever have them get to you. KEEP MOVING ON !!!!!!!!
